just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
