Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
