no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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