My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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