jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
