he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
