God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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