Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
