Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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