He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
