Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's never too late to be topless.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
