Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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