I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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