My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
