what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
