Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
