Duck Duck Cougar?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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