before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
