I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
