Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
