you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
