I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
