I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The uberlube is also flammable
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
