Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
