Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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