You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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