You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
