Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
