Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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