I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
