I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
