New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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