Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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