I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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