I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize