Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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