You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize