I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
