Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
