When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
