Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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