I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
