turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
