Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
