the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
