All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
