his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
