Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
