I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
