I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
These tits shall not be calmed
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
