HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
