# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
two words: eviction party
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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