Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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