I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
