Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
