Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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