why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
