she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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