Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
