Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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