i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
