He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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