How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
