Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Enjoy the penises
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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