I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
