why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
