hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
