My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
