Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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