It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
