the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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